I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This baby is an asshole
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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