this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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