Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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