bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
