I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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