Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
