I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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