I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
