is your mom at the bar?
You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
