ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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