so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
