Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
high people should be assigned attendants
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
