I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Screwed.edu
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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