She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
