we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
