two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
