I think I am morally bankrupt
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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