are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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