Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
