Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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