Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
