There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
