butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize