What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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