Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
