8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love having hate sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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