is your mom at the bar?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
