A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
