her facebook's as public as her vagina
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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