real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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