a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
