Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
