Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Two words: blizzard sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
