The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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