no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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