I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
And then he peed in my hair
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