found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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