I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize