I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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