I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
