Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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