I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
