Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
