Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
