i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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