Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
