I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
