Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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