Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
