dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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