I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
