I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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