you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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