So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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