When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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