I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
love makes seman taste better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
