Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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