final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
