i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
