I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
