alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
