I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My hand turned me down
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize