Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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