Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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