but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
