Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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