My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
