thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
