Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
