if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
