Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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