if you like me you must not know who I am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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