I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need to align my fucking chakras
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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