3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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