the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
